


The (Un)Wanted Kiss

by Gothic_Lolita



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes-centric, Enemies to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Oh God I don't know how to tag this without giving away spoilers, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Seriously Enemies To Lovers, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tumblr made me do it, trigger warning, winteriron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-05-17 12:30:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14832303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gothic_Lolita/pseuds/Gothic_Lolita
Summary: Bucky knows how to fight in wars. He knows how to point a gun, how to fight, how to kill a man. He knows how to do those things. He always has.But in the future, living with people who are on par even with his freakish skillset, Bucky quickly learns, he doesn’t know a thing about war. At least not the war he’s facing now. One with fewer guns, and more legal wars. One where the battlefront is a courtroom, not a trench. Bucky doesn’t know how to fight this kind of war. And the only man who seems to know is the one man Bucky can hardly stomach to be around.Tony Stark knows how to fight these wars. He knows how to fight on a battlefield too, but that’s not what’s important for Bucky now. Tony Stark knows how to orchestrate the media with a smile. He knows how to have the world at his knees with a kiss.Bucky is thrown into a world where he fights with fingers laced between those of a man he despises, lips pressed against the mouth of an arrogant prick. He learns how to fight where the sway in his stomach comes from having to show affection rather than fire a fatal shot. It’s the hardest thing Bucky’s ever done.Then he falls in love.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this is being written on Tumblr, but I got asked to upload it on Ao3 as well, so here we are. I'll update tags as I go, I don't want to spoil anything. I update on Tuesdays.  
> This is mainly WinterIron, but Stucky is a past/background relationship. It'll make sense when you read it.

Bucky kept his arm around Tony’s hip. “Why do we have to do this again?” He hissed, whispering in Tony’s ear.

Tony’s smile was more professional, easy and suave. That didn’t make it any less fake, though. “I told you. After the video leaked of you murdering my parents, we have to prove we’re all chummy for the cameras. Just smile and wave, let me answer a few questions, then you can go back to brooding.”

Bucky mumbled something to himself in Russian, but nodded, and brightened his smile a bit.

Tony dragged Bucky onto a podium, and Bucky only half listened to a speech Tony gave about acceptance and how Bucky couldn’t be blamed for his crimes. Bucky nodded and smiled at the right cues, just waiting for when he could get away from these damned reporters.

“Alright, any questions?” Tony asked, finally wrapping up. Bucky held in a sigh of relief. There was a pandemonium of shouting, and Tony chuckled. “Well, I don’t think we have the time to answer all of those. But…” Tony’s grip on Bucky tightened. “Bucky and I do have one more thing we promised we’d do.”

Then, then Tony grabbed Bucky’s chin. And fucking kissed him.

Bucky might’ve ripped Tony’s head off his body if they weren’t in public. Too many memories of HYDRA agents forcing themselves onto him pushed to the surface, but Bucky choked them down. He let Tony kiss him, resolving he’d kill the man after the conference.

“The truth is, I’m dating the Winter Soldier.” Tony flashed a blinding smile, then dragged Bucky off of the podium again while reporters shouted at them.

As soon as they were alone again, Bucky punched Tony so hard he went flying across the workshop. “What. The hell. Was. That?” Bucky demanded.

Tony groaned, pushing himself to his feet. A bot was already offering him ice. “It was a tactical move, Barnes.”

“Tactical move?” Bucky seethed. “Tactical move my damned-”

“Look!” Tony cut him off with a harsh shout. “I sure as hell didn’t want to do that either, Barnes! And while I may not be particularly keen on your company, Rogers is, and he’s up my ass trying to get me to fix this hellhole of a mess.” Tony started to pace, ice pack pressed to his ribs. “Do you know how many countries you’re a wanted fugitive in? How high bounties are on your head? Just because you were disproven as the bomber in Wakanda and we’re rewriting the Accords doesn’t make all that go away. This isn’t the forties anymore, Barnes. You can’t just smile, say you’re sorry, slip the officer a twenty, and be on your way. Things are complicated now. And I don’t have a shadow of a chance with the UN telling them you’re ‘just a friend’, they won’t fucking buy that bullshit. Maybe the cameras will, but the people who matter won’t. If I can say I’m fighting for the man I love, tug on heartstrings, I might, maybe have a shot at getting you a deal that doesn’t end in twenty-five to life.” Tony wiped a hand over his face. “Look, I’m sorry. And trust me, no matter how much you want to chew me out, it won’t even compare to what’ll come out of Rogers’ mouth when he finds out, so scream at me all you fucking want. I did do this for your own good, believe it or not.”

Bucky stared at him for a long stretch of silence. As infuriating as it was… Tony had a point. “Fine. But next time, give me a fucking heads up.” Bucky stormed out of the workshop at that.

 

* * *

 

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Bucky jerked his head up from watching Tony work on his arm to see Steve, red in the face.

Tony didn’t miss a beat, didn’t even look up. “Would you like a working list?”

Steve folded his arms, taking a stance. Bucky closed his eyes and sighed. “What the hell was that? What on earth were you thinking, kissing Bucky on tv like that?” Steve hissed. Bucky had only ever seen him that pissed when he talked about HYDRA. “Even if I believed for a second that you and Bucky really were a thing -and I know you aren’t- that? Doing it in public? That’s out of line in every sense, Tony.” He was seething, fist balled so tightly Bucky could see his white knuckles pressing through.

Tony finally set down his tools, lips twisting into an exasperated frown. Bucky flexed his fingers, watching the storm brew. “Rogers, I’m endeared by your never-ending care for your long lost love, but if you stopped for a second to think about it, maybe you’d realize I’m doing the best thing for him.”

“Excuse me?” Steve demanded, taking a step forward. “Are you out of your damned mind?”

“Language, Rogers.” Tony snarled. He stood up as well, but with Steve having almost a foot on him -as Steve was wearing shoes and Tony wasn’t- it didn’t quite have the same effect. “Look, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Barnes doesn’t exactly have the best PR-”

“And you do?” Steve shot back.

Tony rolled his eyes so hard they went into the back of his head. “Yes I do, actually. Of all the Avengers, I’m the second highest, right behind your patriotic ass. And if you’d let me speak, I would tell you how I’m using that to his advantage.” Tony jerked a thumb toward Bucky. Bucky resisted the urge to grab that thumb and rip it off.

Steve made a ‘go on’ gesture, eyes narrowed.

“As I explained to Barnes, with the leak of him offing my parents, people are even antsier than before.” Tony threw his arms in the air. “Howard was a bit of a titan, and knowing that the man who murdered him is walking free, it’s putting everyone on edge. If I can show, as the only living connection to Howard and Maria Stark, that I forgive him, it’ll make our fight that much easier.” Tony ran a hand through his hair. “That’s what the press conference was for. And if it was just the press? The media we were up against? That would’ve been enough. But do you have any idea what we’re up against?” Tony started to pace, arms moving, as if he were unsure what to do with them. “The entire UN. All 117 countries who signed the Accords- which just because I was able to get them up for revision doesn’t mean they went away, Rogers. That’s not a fight I can fight with a press conference and a cute little speech about acceptance. But a kiss? That tugs on heartstrings, Rogers. Convinces people that he’s capable of being loved. Of loving others. It seems small but trust me, we need every single fucking push we can get to even have a chance at this.” Tony’s voice was desperate, and it reminded Bucky of the airport fight they’d had. It’d only been a few months, but it felt like a lifetime. “Damnit Rogers, I’m trying my damned hardest! I’m sorry it’s not up to code with your standards, but things can’t always be done the All American way.”

Steve was silent for a moment, Adam’s apple bobbing. “Are you so self-absorbed that you think painting Bucky as another one of you little flings is what’s best for him?” Steve’s voice was barely a whisper, deadly and out for blood. “Are you willing to invade his personal space, threaten his mental health, just for what you think is best?” He took a step forward, and damnit, Bucky knew that look. He knew that look from countless back alley beatings. Stupid punk.

“Hey,” Bucky spoke for the first time as if reminding both of them he was even in the room. “Punk, look. I’m not happy about this. I’m just as pissed at Stark as you are.” That was a bit of a lie. Bucky knew for a fact his rage was minuscule in comparison to Steve’s. “But he’s right. He’s an asshole about it, he didn’t even ask me, but he’s right.” Bucky glanced at Tony, glaring a bit. “If anyone knows how to play the media like a fiddle and get ‘em wrapped around his twisted little finger, it’s Stark.” His words held a nasty bite for Tony even if he was talking to Steve. “Let him be. Not like we can undo it. He’ll regret it when he’s forced to keep me on his hip for the next for months. Or however long this takes.” Bucky sent Tony final look that said he’d make it his life goal to make Tony miserable, then stormed out of the shop before Steve could get another word in.

 

* * *

 

“I’m sure you’ve read over the current proposal for what to do with Mister Barnes,” General Ross said, pacing around the room. Bucky tried not to glare at him or the other foreign representatives, at the stupid UN meeting Tony had dragged him to. “It’s quite the fair proposal, Mister Barnes won’t even face prison time.”

Tony let out a noise between a scoff and a snort. “Yeah, I read it. It’s a pile of trash. And would it kill you to treat him with a bit of respect? It’s Sergeant Barnes. A member of the Howling Commandos, you might recall.” Tony’s voice held a nasty bite but was still perfectly under control. Bucky had to admit, he knew how to put on airs. The entire room shifted. “But as I was saying, a pile of trash.” Tony took the stack of papers with fine print and tossed them across the table in an unamused sort of way. “You want to do to him the same thing you tried to do to Banner. Make him your personal little super soldier pet, just like HYDRA did.”

Ross faltered but covered it with an offended look. “Are you implying that the US military is comparable to a Nazi terrorist organization?”

Tony didn’t even flinch. “You’re the one who wants to know his code words. You tell me.”

Bucky tensed at the mention of code words. It must’ve been more noticeable he would’ve liked, as Tony grabbed Bucky’s hand, holding on the table with his thumb rubbing soothing circles. It almost might’ve been worth appreciating, if Bucky knew it wasn’t just for show. Bucky held back bile and thought of the way Tony’s blood would look on his favourite knife.

“That’s a safety measure.” Ross countered.

“No,” Tony rolled his eyes. “The Avengers watching him? Us trying to use BARF technology to get HYDRA out of his head? Those are safety measures. What you want is power over him.”

The UN leaders shifted again, making Tony arch a lazy eyebrow.

“Oh? Didn’t you read this? Because the part about the underground prison torture centre is really captivating. Almost as good as the part about the US military having the right to experiment on Bucky however they please.” Tony’s tone dripped with sarcasm. Bucky wasn’t sure if his want to throw up was now coming from having to hold Tony’s hand or the proposal.

Tony stood up, never letting go of Bucky’s hand. “Here’s what’s going to happen. You’re going to rewrite that,” he flicked a finger toward the proposal. “With the UN this time. Then we can talk. But until then? You can kiss my titanium ass if you think I’m letting Bucky sign that.”

“With all due respect, Mister Stark-” Ross started, face turning red.

“Ah, Doctor Stark, thank you.” Tony corrected.

“Doctor Stark,” Ross was positively seething. “Sergeant Barnes has committed an endless list of crimes. By all means, he’s a monster. Are you really defending the assassin of your parents? A man rumoured to have killed JFK?”

Tony dropped Bucky’s hand, walking over to Ross with slow steps. “Bucky didn’t kill my parents. HYDRA did. You want to go hunting monsters, be my guest. I can give you coordinates to the nearest HYDRA base. But if you ever call Bucky, a man who has been victimized, tortured, and taken apart, a monster again? You’ll find out just how hard I can push against you.”Tony warned, his voice barely above a low growl. “Bucky, come on. We’re done here.”

Bucky pushed himself to his feet, taking Tony’s hand as they walked out of the conference hall. Ignoring the urge to vomit, Bucky kissed Tony’s temple. God, he was going to need to break some punching bags when they got back.

As soon as they were back in Tony’s private jet, Tony already had his tablet out, typing away while he muttered profanities to himself. Bucky grit his teeth together, fingers flexing. As much as he hated to admit it, and god he fucking hated to, Bucky hadn’t realized how hard Tony was fighting for him. The mere idea of what might’ve happened if Tony hadn’t been there if Bucky had just given in and signed the contract was sickening.

Bucky sat back, glaring ahead. “Nice job, Stark.” It was genuine but still held a bite. Bucky glowered ahead harder when he felt Tony’s eyes on him. “You almost even had me convinced you actually care about me.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of Stucky in this chapter, fair warning.

Bucky slid out of his suit, balling it up and tossing it aside. He threw himself onto his bed, in a white tee shirt and boxers with a heavy sigh.

“Hey.” Steve’s voice was soft, gentle in all it’s mother-henning glory as he leaned against the doorframe.

Bucky rolled over, staring at Steve. “How the hell have you managed being on a team with him for so long?”

Steve gave a strained smile, sitting down on Bucky’s bed. “You get used to him. He’s actually not so bad.”

“He’s worse than Howard,” Bucky growled, sitting up.

“I know.” Steve sighed. “But… he is doing this to help you, I guess. Might as well go along with it.” Steve’s hand started gently rubbing his shoulder.

As much as Bucky appreciated the genuine touch of comfort, he didn’t like the ulterior motives that seemed to underlay it. “Not like he gave me much of a damned choice.” Bucky glared at his hands.

“Tony doesn’t always see things from the other side. He gets… wrapped up in himself.” Steve said, treading carefully with his words.

Bucky stared at him. “Are you on his side now?” His tone was oddly accusatory.

“No!” Steve blinked. “God, Buck, no. I’m trying to say, there are no sides here. It’s not him versus us. Just… give him a chance?”

A coil of hate circled around Bucky’s chest. “Yeah, I tried that. And he kissed me on national television.”

Steve pursed his lips. He looked as though he badly wanted to take Bucky’s side, but also wanted to mediate. His hand on Bucky’s shoulder kept rubbing. “I know. Just… keep pushing through, all right? Let Tony do what he’s good at, then this’ll all be over.”

Bucky nodded, running a hand through his hair. “I know, Stevie. I know.”

Steve pulled Bucky closer, wrapping an arm around his Bucky. Bucky wanted to lean into the touch, wanted to accept Steve’s loving warmth.

But he couldn’t. Bucky knew what Steve wanted, and it was everything Bucky couldn’t give him. Bucky wasn’t ready for that. He didn’t think he ever would be, even with Steve. He was too broken.

“Stevie, I don’t-” Bucky pulled away, curling in on himself.

Steve’s expression could only be described as pure hurt. “Buck, I’m sorry. I didn’t-”

“No,” Bucky shook his head. “Don’t give me that look, okay? This ain’t your fault, punk. It ain’t nobody’s fault except HYDRA.” Bucky flexed his metal fingers, watching the mechanics whir. “I’m just… I can’t. Even if it weren’t for Stark, even in a perfect world… I can’t. Not right now. I love you, I promise I still love you, Stevie. I’m just…” Bucky gestured vaguely to his head. “I’m still a mess up here. Not in complete control. I don’t trust myself. Especially not around the people I love.”

Or at least, what was left of the people he loved.

Steve stood up. “No, it’s fine. I understand, Bucky.” His words held sympathy, but his face held the truth. He didn’t understand. No one did. “I should- I’ll give you some space, okay? You have a press conference with Tony tomorrow. I’ll catch you after that?” He gave Bucky a forced little smile, already heading for the door.

Bucky forced a nod, ignoring the pain in his chest. He didn’t want Steve to leave. But he also couldn’t bear to have Steve stay, and have to face his emotions. God, he didn’t know what the fuck he wanted anymore.

Steve gave Bucky a final parting smile that was far too strained and left, shutting the door behind him.

Bucky wanted to scream. He wanted to send his fist through the wall. He wanted to run after Steve, give him a hard kiss like some kind of romance movie Steve loved. He wanted to beat the living shit out of Tony.

Instead, he curled up for a nightmare-plagued sleep.

 

* * *

 

Press conferences were mind-numbing. Even more so, forcing a smile and affection for Tony was worse.

“Sergeant Barnes,” A reporter shouted, catching Bucky’s attention. Most of the questions had been directed toward Tony, and Bucky more or less was just there for to be eye candy. Bucky tried not to think about that so he didn’t forcefully fling Tony into the sea of cameras and microphones.

Tony poked Bucky’s side, indicating for him to answer.

“Yes?” Bucky leaned toward the microphone, offering a perfectly faked shy smile.

“What made you fall in love with the Merchant of Death?” Her voice was condescending, using a nickname for Tony Bucky was pretty sure he’d read in some tabloid somewhere. Bucky had to admit, even if he hated Tony, he wasn’t too fond of that nickname. If people were going to hate Tony, they could at least do it for the right reasons.

Bucky cleared his throat. “I think…” He bit his lip. His pause was probably interpreted as shyness for the camera, though it was really only his mind scrounging for reasons to actually like Tony. “I think it’s hard to say what we really love about someone. Tony has so many amazing qualities that get overlooked by the media. He’s…” Bucky swallowed his pride and urge to vomit. “He’s passionate, you know? He’s kind and so smart. It was one of those ‘love at first sight’ sorta things, but the more I learn about him, the more I fall in love with him every day.”

Tony chuckled. “If you keep that up babe, they might think I’m a good guy.” It was teasing, probably Tony’s idea of flirting, even if it was faux. “That forties charm, am I right?”

The audience chuckled.

The attention turned back to Tony. after a few more questions, Tony wrapped it up. He pulled Bucky back up, gave Bucky one kiss ‘for the camera’, then dragged him off the stage and back into Tony’s private jet. It was a blur of scenery and people Bucky didn’t bother thinking about, instead only focused on not tearing into Tony.

“You know,” Tony said, pulling off his tie after the jet had taken off. “You could at least pretend to like me.” Tony cast Bucky a look over his shoulder. “I can’t only spin the ‘emotionally confused and socially POW’ so much. You have to give me something.”

“Did I not give you something?” Bucky growled pulling his own suit jacket off.

Tony rolled his eyes. “That was the most goddamned generic answer you could’ve given. Sure, you were on the spot, but you could’ve put a bit of thought into it.”

“Sorry I don’t spend my time thinking about your better qualities.” Bucky snarled.

Tony rolled his eyes. “Barnes, if I wanted my ego stroked, I’d go walk some little old ladies across the street for the publicity.” He threw himself into an overly luxurious seat. “All I ask is you look like you don’t want to kill me in front of the cameras.”

“And what I’m doing now isn’t good enough?” Bucky snapped. He was putting on a perfectly fine performance.

“For the last time,” Tony rubbed his temples. “This isn’t the press we’re trying to fool here, Barnes! It’s the goddamned UN! They don’t give a fuck if you say some shit about love at first sight. They need something tangible. Something that goes a bit deeper than a smile for the fucking papers. So no, it isn’t, and I’d appreciate it if you sucked it up and did a bit better.”

“My sincerest apologies,” Bucky growled. “Not all of us got to learn from their lying, piece of shit playboy father’s footsteps.”

Tony’s expression twitched, and his glare almost broke. It didn’t, though. “FRIDAY, please tell me there’s something high in alcohol content on this fucking plane.”

“ _There’s a bottle of Jack Daniel’s whiskey in the overheard, boss_.”

“That’ll work.” Tony pushed himself to his feet, rooting around for it. “Got anything else to say to me, Barnes? Or are we done here?”

Bucky gave him the worst glower he could manage before storming out of the cabin. “We’re definitely done here.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for a panic attack/PTSD episode partway through, alcoholism towards the end, and suicidal themes throughout.  
> Also ends on a cliffhanger.

It’d been a week since the last press conference Tony had dragged Bucky to, and Bucky could say with certainty that time did not heal all wounds. If anything, it only made the coil of hate in Bucky’s chest wind tighter, hot and brittle as it choked off what little sympathy he had for Tony. **  
**

“He’s not so bad,” Steve was saying, voice gentle as they worked together to cook a meal.

“Sure,” Bucky muttered. “Keep takin’ his side.”

Steve let out a frustrated sigh that had just a tad too much charge to it. “Bucky, this isn’t about taking sides.” He grabbed Bucky’s arm, yanking him forward to cradle either side of his face. “This is about trying to help you.”

Bucky blinked, and suddenly he didn’t see Steve in front of him anymore. His mind filled with static, vision blurring around the edges. The rough sneer of a HYDRA face was staring at him, cruel laughter echoing in his ears. Bucky couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think.

Steve might’ve been saying something, behind the harsh white noise filling Bucky’s head with a thick cotton haze, he wasn’t sure.

“Don’t touch me,” Bucky rasped, and it wasn’t his voice anymore. It was the voice of the Winter Soldier, clawing at his throat, his mind.

“Bucky-”

“I said don’t touch me!” Bucky nearly shrieked, shoving Steve backwards so hard that there was the vague noise of something breaking.

Bucky stumbled, grabbing the wall for the support. “At least-” He hissed between his teeth. “At least Stark only touches me without my consent on a stage. At least he doesn’t harass me when I’m at home.”

Home. As if this tower, these people could be called home.

“Buck, come on, it isn’t like that and you know it!” Steve had taken the defensive now, tone a tad harsher than it should’ve been.

Bucky looked up, blinking the haze out of his eyes. He still wasn’t thinking straight, his heart was still beating too fast, but the panic was painted over with a red-hot rage.

“Really?” Bucky demanded from behind a curtain of bangs that has fallen over his face. “Because you weren’t trying to get your hand down my pants the other day?” Bucky offered a feral, sarcastic smile that was all teeth.

Steve’s eyes flashed with genuine hurt. “I love you, you asshole.”

“Language, Rogers.” Bucky snarled with a rough laugh.

“I love you,” Steve repeated. “And I thought… I thought I could help you by showing you that.”

Bucky shook his head, pushing himself upright. “You don’t love me. You love some guy from the forties, who had the title of Sergeant and picked you up off your ass in back alleys.” Bucky stormed over to Steve, giving a most livid glare. “Sorry Stevie, but that guy died when you let him fall off a train.”

The look in Steve’s eyes twisted the dagger of hurt in Bucky’s chest even more, and he stormed off before Steve could get out another word.

 

 

Even before Bucky’s fist collided with the first punching bag, he regretted his words. He regretted them more than anything.

Steve didn’t deserve that. Didn’t deserve to have Bucky go off on him, blame him for things that weren’t his fault, then watch Bucky storm off to punch the shit out of some punching bags.

The dumb punk was probably hiding in his room, blaming himself for it all. And Bucky was too much of a coward to go console him, apologize.

Slam. Bucky watched the punching bag go flying across the room. He started setting up another one as he heard footsteps come into the gym.

Tony stood in the doorway, wearing his oil-stained work clothes of a tight tank top and ripped jeans. He cleared his throat. “FRIDAY said you haven’t eaten.” He held up a plate of food. “Peace offering, I guess.”

Bucky didn’t say anything.

“Yeah, I’m bad at this, I know. Just ask Pepper.” Tony sighed. He set the plate down on a piece of gym equipment. “I’ll just… leave this here.” He wandered out of the gym at that.

Bucky closed his eyes. It was… a bizarre interaction, but not one above Tony. He was probably doing it for the better of their public ‘relationship’ or something. Get Bucky to actually like him so it wouldn’t be that much of a stretch when they played pretend for the public.

Or something like that, anyway.

Bucky shook his head, turning back to the punching bags.

 

 

An hour and ten punching bags later, Bucky finally gave in, eating the food. It was long cold by now but still tasted somewhat decent. Not that Bucky lingered on taste much anymore. HYDRA had trained him out of enjoying such luxuries.

Bucky took the plate and silverware back to the kitchen, setting them in the sink. He sighed, standing there for a moment.

He still didn’t have it in him to talk to Steve, but the least Bucky could do to prove to himself that he wasn’t a complete asshole was thank Tony for the food.

Bucky’s limbs felt leaden as he walked to the elevator, asked FRIDAY to take him to the workshop. He ignored the burning hole of emptiness gnawing at his chest.

Bucky was somewhat surprised when he came into the workshop and there wasn’t music blaring or machinery or working. The most he got was few curious beeps from one of Tony’s bots before it scurried away.

Walking around the workshop, Bucky finally found Tony sitting in a pile of paperwork, with an already almost empty bottle of scotch.

“It’s the draft of the new proposal from the UN,” Tony said, glancing up at Bucky. Bucky must’ve been staring. Tony wiped a hand over his face. “Still a massive pile of shit, but at least now it’s one I can work with.”

“Should you be working on it drunk?” Bucky meant for the words to have a bite, but instead, they were soft and resigned, as if all his anger was finally gone, only leaving a hollow acceptance.

“I’m not drunk.” Tony frowned.

“That’s your second bottle, boss.”

Tony stared at the ceiling. “I didn’t ask you.” It was oddly comical, watching him talk to empty space. He finished off the scotch, tossing it aside.

Bucky found himself sitting down next to Tony, picking up a stray paper to read it. It was a mess of long words and other things Bucky didn’t understand. It was gibberish.

Right. He came down here with a mission. “I…” Bucky cleared his throat. “Thanks. For the food.”

Tony shrugged. “Least I can do for my fake boyfriend, right?”

Bucky laughed in spite of himself. Drunk Tony wasn’t as much of an asshole as Sober Tony, at least.

“That and keeping me out of a supermax, underground prison,” Bucky said with a grunt. “Thank you for that too.” Might as well get it all out as long as he was in the sharing sort of mood.

Tony did flippant hand wave gesture. “It’s fine. Most of it’s just paperwork and stuff.”

“Paperwork I wouldn’t understand a word of.” Bucky countered.

“The world is complicated now.” Tony stared at the empty scotch bottle. “That’s just the way it is.”

Bucky shook his head. “Still. I feel like… I don’t know if I’m worth all of this.” He sighed. “As much as I hate you, I know you’re doing a lot. I just…”

“Hey, I said it’s fine.” Tony insisted. “You have the right to hate me. I’m an asshole. Can’t even get this sorted out-” Tony gestured to the papers- “and it’s my third night staying up to try and work on it.”

Bucky blinked. Third night? Jesus, when did this man sleep? How much was Tony really doing for him. An awful coil of emotion curled in Bucky’s stomach.

“I have to go.” Bucky stood up abruptly. Tony just waved, going back to the pile of papers.

Bucky practically ran to his room, slamming the door shut. Tony was losing sleep over him. Steve was getting yelled at by him. He really had a habit of making a hell out of people’s lives who cared about him, didn’t he?

Well, Bucky still wasn’t completely convinced that Tony actually cared. It was a favour to Steve, someone who he did actually care about. For God’s sake, Bucky killed his parents. Tony didn’t give a shit about him, just as he should. Bucky was a monster. A monster Tony had every right to hate. Bucky wasn’t really justified in hating him back, no matter how much he did. Tony was still an asshole, no matter how nice he seemed when he was sleep deprived and drunk off his ass.

But that wasn’t the point. Because asshole or no, Bucky was causing Tony more trouble than he was worth. Same went for Steve, or the other Avengers, for that matter. Bucky didn’t cause these kinds of problems when he was on the run, no matter how lost he’d been at that time.

On the run, he was responsible for himself. There was no middleman of press conferences, worrying about PR, thinking about friendships or any of those sorts of things Bucky was so awful at handling. It was just him against the rest of the world. Survive. That’d been his only mission. It seemed to be the only thing Bucky was good at anymore.

Once the idea crept into Bucky’s head, it was hard to dismiss. Things would just be so much easier for everyone if he lived on the run. Tony wouldn’t drink himself to death, Steve wouldn’t be on the receiving end of awful arguments he didn’t deserve. And if Bucky died, it would just be collateral. Hell, even easier that way, if he were dead. People could stop protesting for him to be burnt at stake or whatever else. There’d be no more proposals, no more fake relationships. Just a finishing of something that’d been started over seventy years ago when Bucky fell off that damned train.

With a quiet sigh, Bucky climbed into his bed. He was too tired to think about these things right now. He’d get some sleep, reconsider it all in the morning when he had a clearer head.

 

* * *

 

Bucky wandered into the living room with a frown. He and Tony had a press conference in a few hours, yet he hadn’t seen Tony all day.

He regretted it instantly, finding a pandemonium of madness. People were running around, Pepper was there and on the phone, talking rapid fire to the person on the other side.

“What the hell?” Bucky said, looking around.

“Don’t you know?” Clint appeared at Bucky’s side, holding a handful of arrows. “Tincan’s gone missing. No one can find him.”

Bucky frowned. He’d been with Tony last night, he should’ve been in bed with a nasty hangover. “Any idea where he went?”

Clint shook his head. “No, man. Not where he went. Where he was taken. Someone kidnapped him.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to upload this on Tuesday after I posted it up Tumblr, whoops

HYDRA. It was always HYDRA, wasn’t it? Bucky sat in the living room, watching everyone argue over the why though.

“I don’t understand what HYDRA would want with Tony,” Pepper said, gesturing with her hands. “He’s never touched any of their business.”

“Not even when he was a weapons dealer?” Steve asked, tone unapologetically accusatory.

Pepper glared at him. “Even if that angle was plausible, Tony stopped dealing years ago. But no, not even then.” She forced out with every ounce of deadly edge she had.

“He’s bait.”

Everyone looked at Bucky.

Bucky cleared his throat. “Stark’s bait. For me.” He clarified.

“That doesn’t make any sense.” Steve shook his head.

“Yes, it does.” Natasha cut in. “We know Barnes and Stark aren’t a real item. They don’t. It’s the perfect bait. Take the person they think is closest to him.”

Bucky forced a nod. “They wouldn’t let us know it was even them if they didn’t have a reason. HYDRA’s not sloppy.”

There was a round of silence and shared looks.

“Okay.” Rhodey cleared his throat. “So where do we go from here?”

Clint wiped a hand over his face. “We need to find him. Set up a rescue mission. Pick a team.”

“That doesn’t include Bucky,” Steve added. “We’re not giving HYDRA what they want.”

Bucky’s stomach did a twist. Hypothetically, that made sense. They’d get Tony back, Bucky would sit this one out. It sounded easy. Simple.

Things were never simple with HYDRA.

“Fine.” Bucky stood up, flicking up the hood on his hoodie so he wouldn’t have to look at anyone and headed towards his room.

“Do you have any idea where they’d take him?” Pepper called after Bucky.

Bucky paused. He knew exactly where Tony was. “No.” It was a place he didn’t want a single person in the same room as him to ever have to experience. Bucky walked to his room with that.

 

Lying on his bed, Bucky was well aware the Avengers were never going to find Tony. It wasn’t that Bucky didn’t have faith in a team of the world’s mightiest heroes. It was that he knew HYDRA. And the Avengers weren’t ready for HYDRA. And they never would be.

HYDRA was a sort of force of nature. Bucky knew evil, he’d fought in World War Two for fuck’s sake. But he’d also shot presidents of the United States. Realistically speaking, Bucky was well aware he wasn’t evil, and he didn’t see himself as such. He rather saw it as an infection. He was infected with it, with evil. With HYDRA. HYDRA was the pure embodiment of it. Steve, others saw it as some sort of grotesque creature with it’s claws dug into the free world. But Bucky had been on the inside. It wasn’t a monster. It was a toxin. A toxin put into the dripping IV of the world’s life support, slowing eating away at everyone and everything. That was just the way HYDRA worked.

And the Avengers weren’t equipped to handle that. Sure, they had the weapons, the tactical knowledge. But fighting HYDRA wasn’t about that. You couldn’t face down pure insanity with a gun.

And maybe that was why Bucky’s gut twisted at the idea of HYDRA having hold of Tony.

Sure, Bucky didn’t like Tony. He hated Tony. Tony was the embodiment of everything Bucky disliked in a person. Egotistical, hypocritical, those sorts of things. Thinking about him made Bucky all sorts of sick to his stomach, and if that wasn’t hate, Bucky didn’t know what was.

But god, even he couldn’t handle the thought of Tony in HYDRA’s clutches No one, not the worst of the worst, deserved that. Especially when it really came down to being Bucky’s fault.

If the Avengers somehow even managed to find where Tony was being held, it’d still be a cold trail. They’d break in, HYDRA would capture them instantly. And they wouldn’t even be upset that they’d gotten the wrong people. Bucky was sure given the time, HYDRA could find uses for any of the Avengers. They did for him.

Afterall, if the trap was designed to catch Bucky, what chance did the Avengers have?

Bucky stood up, starting to pace around the room.

It’d be selfish to send in the Avengers to just to get caught. Sure, Bucky felt bad about lying to Pepper so easily. But he couldn’t chance it. He couldn’t chance the Avengers, Steve, going in just to get themselves killed. Or worse. There was no point in trying to solve a problem by creating another problem.

Bucky paced tight circles, mind spinning faster than his feet could keep up with. After an amount of time Bucky didn’t bother to quantify, he stopped with a sigh.

He didn’t have a perfect solution. There wasn’t one. But maybe this would work.

Bucky walked down the hallways of the Avengers compound, keeping his eyes down. He didn’t so much as glance up when Sam walked by him. He just kept walking.

Bucky knocked on Steve’s door.

There was a pause, then the door opened.

Steve… Steve looked exasperated, worn down. Even more so when he saw Bucky. He didn’t say anything, just waited.

“I need to talk to you,” Bucky mumbled, staring at his feet.

Steve arched an eyebrow.

“Really?” Bucky sighed. “You’re not even gonna talk to me?”

“Didn’t think you’d want to talk to the guy who let you fall off a train.” Steve’s voice was quiet, but it was explosive in Bucky’s ears.

Bucky’s head heart. “I’m sorry,” He whispered. “I didn’t mean that. You… you touched me, I freaked out.” That was a gross oversimplification.

Steve’s hard glare turned soft with sympathy. “I’m sorry.” He shook his head. “I forget… sometimes, how much they must’ve messed with your head. Made you think things that weren’t true.”

Bucky swallowed. That was an even more gross oversimplification. Blaming Bucky’s outburst on HYDRA. Bucky idly wondered if he’d ever be able to take responsibility for his actions again.

“You don’t have to be sorry.” Bucky shook his head. “It’s not your fault.”

The look in Steve’s eyes didn’t quite believe Bucky, but he nodded.

“Anyway.” Bucky cleared his throat. “I think… I think I know where Stark is being held.”

Steve instantly went into work mode, eyebrows knitting together. “What? Where?”

“It’s…” Bucky swallowed. “It’s a base. In DC. It’s where I was kept when…” Bucky sighed. “If they’re using him for bait, they’d keep him in the place I know best.”

Steve nodded. “Alright, can you give us the coordinates? I can get together a small group of Avengers to-”

“No.” Bucky shook his head. “Stevie, it’s a trap. You know that. I’m not letting you send them in just to end up like To- like Stark.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I wanted it to be you and me. We work together best, I know the place best-”

“No.” Steve stared at Bucky like he’d lost his mind. “God Buck, no. We’re not giving them what they want!”

“There’s no other way.” Bucky hissed. “I’m the only one who has a chance of finding him. I’m not asking you to let me go in alone, I’m asking you to give Stark a chance at getting out alive!”

Steve’s eyes narrowed. “That’s what it’s about, isn’t it? Tony?”

Bucky blinked. “What the hell?”

“You really do care about him, don’t you?” Steve hissed, folding his arms.

“Steve, what the hell are you on about?” Bucky snapped. “I want to save a man’s life, and you’re trying to make something out of it?”

“You’re willing to risk HYDRA getting their claws sunk back into you,” Steve growled. Again, with the claws. “For him.” Steve shook his head, letting out a harsh laugh. “You know, I don’t care if you’d rather be with him than me, but the least you could do is tell the damned truth.”

Bucky took a step back. “You think- are you jealous?” Bucky’s voice was incredulous. “You know everything between me and him is for the cameras.”

“Do I?” Steve arched an eyebrow. “Because you seem pretty concerned about him.”

Bucky shook his head. “I can’t believe-” Bucky cut himself off. “Fine. Forget I asked.” Bucky stormed off.

The door slammed behind him.

Bucky marched into his room. His body went by rote memory, and he didn’t even realize what he was doing until he was already in his tac gear, loading up weapons. It was a stupid, awful idea. But Bucky didn’t exactly have a better one, and he was well aware he wasn’t quite thinking straight.

If Steve wasn’t going to help him, fine.

Bucky would save Tony himself.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter kinda sucks and I don't like it. It didn't even hit the plot point it was supposed to. I want to fucking tear my hair out.

Breaking into HYDRA was about as easy as Bucky had anticipated it would be. The guard count was disgustingly low as if HYDRA couldn’t make it any more obvious they were trying to bait him in. Bucky might’ve ridiculed them for that if it wasn’t working. Bucky was well aware that HYDRA wasn’t the idiot here. He was the one who came to get himself kidnapped.

But it was what it was. Bucky was already in, just waiting to get jumped by a halfway decent agent and not the target dummies they called guards. Once they took him to Tony, Bucky could figure out a plan there, with Tony’s help.

Bucky wasn’t sure what exactly Tony’s reaction was going to be. He assumed there would be an annoyance, he’d probably curse Bucky out, call him all the names Bucky was already calling himself in his head. At least Bucky could say he was mostly positive Tony would help in trying to escape, even if just for the sake of self-preservation. And if he didn’t, Bucky would improvise. He could handle a simple rescue mission, regardless of whether his target was willing or no.

Well, maybe not simple. But it was what it was. Bucky would rescue Tony. He just had to find him first.

Bucky was walking through the hallways, listening closely for Tony’s staccato and out of sync heartbeat when he got jumped.  

Five trained men. All adequately armed. Two in the front, one in the back, one on either side. Non-lethal strikes. Aiming for incapacitation.

Realistically, Bucky could’ve beaten them. Without a doubt, he could’ve. HYDRA didn’t train it’s men the way they’d trained him. Hell, Bucky probably could’ve taken double the number of men with half the weapons he was armed with. But if Bucky beat them, they wouldn’t take him to Tony, and the whole point of going into the HYDRA compound would’ve been voided.

So Bucky put up just enough fight to make it hurt, to show he was still the damned Winter Soldier, but he let the agents win. He let his body fall slack when a needle pricked his neck and the world went dark.

 

* * *

 

Bucky woke up in a cell. Not that he was surprised, really. At least it was better than the Chair.

“You’re a fucking idiot.”

Bucky sat up, blinking. His armour had been stripped, weapons taken away. All Bucky wore were his boxers and a white tank top. He probably looked like shit. Not as shitty as Tony looked, though.

Tony was sitting against the wall, wearing jeans and tank top, elbow propped up on his knee. His hair was a matted mess, clothes and skin grimy. He looked like he’d been through the ringer, covered in bruises and scrapes.

Bucky opened his mouth to say something, but before he could get the words out, Tony brought his hand to his chest, pointing diagonally. Bucky followed the line of sight and found himself staring at a camera with a microphone. Right. HYDRA was listening.

Judging by the layout of the cell, Tony was sitting in the only blind spot the camera had. There was a hole in the ground Bucky assumed functioned as a toilet and a single threadbare cot. It was disgusting, even for HYDRA.

Bucky cleared his throat, and Tony arched an eyebrow. The look on Tony’s face was one that was hard to read, eyes narrowed and mouth pulled into a hard line. He looked exasperated, annoyed, and exhausted all at the same time, with a touch something else Bucky couldn’t quite grasp.

 “I wanted…” Bucky cleared his throat, painfully aware of the camera in the corner of the room. “I wanted to help you.”

Tony rolled his eyes so hard Bucky saw the whites of his eyes. “You did a real nice job of that, snowflake.” The pet name was oddly nice, under the guise of their game of charades.

Bucky scooted over to where Tony was. He was only half obscured by the camera blind spot, but that was good enough. Tony sighed and pulled himself up into Bucky’s lap, dragging them both completely into the blind spot. Well, that worked too.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky said. It was easier than he’d thought it be, faking the apologetic tone.

“Yeah, well for what it’s worth, I’m glad they didn’t kill you, snowflake.” Tony put his head on Bucky’s shoulder. Bucky frowned. Tony knew they were in the blind spot, didn’t he? The visual aspect of their fake relationship didn’t matter.

Bucky swallowed, throat clicking. “Yeah. You too.” He wrapped an awkward arm around Tony. The cell was cold, and Tony’s clothing was inadequate. Bucky tried not to think about that too hard. He still hated Tony. For the most part, anyway.

Tony nodded and let out a loud sigh. He idly tapped his finger on Bucky’s thigh, eyes fluttering shut.

Wait. That was Morse code. Bucky focused on the rhythm with a frown.

_Two guards patrol every six hours. We’re in the eastern side of the building, likely underground. Most plausible exits on the left. Cell bars are adamantium and electric._

Bucky tilted his head to the side. He couldn’t even begin to think of how Tony managed to figure all that out in the short period of time he’d been in HYDRA’s captivity. A genius would always be a genius, Bucky supposed.

 _Do you have an escape route planned?_  Bucky tapped back.

_Not yet. Especially not now, considering any of my ideas were reliant on me getting myself out, not two people._

Bucky bit his lip.  _They haven’t gotten anything out of you, have they?_

 _Haven’t even tried. Just banged me up a bit._  Tony shifted a bit, curling his knees in.  _I’m not their target._

_I know._

_Then why the hell are you here?_

_I wanted to help you._

_Nice job on that one. You gave HYDRA exactly what they wanted. All they need now is to find someone who knows your codewords._

_We’ll figure this out._

_We?_  Tony twisted, giving Bucky a slight glare.

Bucky sighed.  _Look, I’m sorry._

 _No, you’re not. You purposely walked into what you knew was a trap._  Tony narrowed his eyes.

 _Was trying to help you, asshole_. Bucky tapped so fast he wasn’t even sure if Tony would be able to understand it.

Tony rolled his eyes. _You couldn’t even give me a week here to figure it out? I got out of Ten Rings, I can handle HYDRA_. Tony shook his head and snorted.  _There are other ways to get away from Rogers, you know._

Bucky blinked. _This isn’t about Steve._

_Is it?_

Bucky scowled. Well, even a cell couldn’t make Tony Stark less of an asshole. He didn’t tap anything back, just looked away to glare at the floor.

Tony let out another loud sigh. “I’m going to sleep, snowflake. I love you.”

“I love you too.” Bucky forced the words out, even as they were thick in his throat.

Tony nodded, tucking his forehead into the crook of Bucky’s neck. It only took him a few minutes before his heart rate and breathing slowed. Bucky wondered if he’d gotten any sleep since he was taken.

Bucky watched Tony sleep with a tight look. Tony was… peaceful asleep. There wasn’t the stress or tension wearing into features. Bucky’s stomach did a weird little churn, seeing Tony asleep, just because it made it apparent just how tense Tony really was. Bucky felt a bit like an asshole for not noticing before.

All in all, Bucky supposed he did understand Tony, to some extent. Even if he hated the man, he at least understood Tony. Tony was under a lot of pressure, between a rock and a hard place more often than not. He might not have always chosen the options best for Bucky or whoever else, but they always worked, however crude.

Bucky found himself stroking Tony’s hair before he really knew what he was doing. Not that it mattered. Tony was asleep, and they were in the camera’s blind spot. Bucky didn’t have to worry about anyone else seeing. And he tried not to think about why he was doing it.

As much as Bucky wanted Tony to take the reins in planning their escape, he knew he couldn’t sit back and do nothing. It’d be a matter of time before HYDRA found someone who knew the codewords, and then Tony was as good as dead, and Bucky was even worse off. The idea of HYDRA having their poison back in Bucky’s head made him want to cry, scream, and vomit all at the same time. He needed to do something other than sit and wait for hell to come and find him.

Well, there was one thing. One thing Bucky desperately didn’t want to do. Didn’t want to have to explain to Tony why it mattered, why he had to do it. It’d make no sense to someone without extensive HYDRA knowledge. It’d sound absolutely insane. Tony might not even believe him. He could take it the wrong way, and things could go downhill for Bucky fast.

But… it was the best option. All personal feelings aside, it was actually rather brilliant. If the people HYDRA had watching them didn’t know the codewords, they certainly wouldn’t know about… the failsafe. With Tony and Bucky’s fake relationship, it’d actually be easier to play off, if anything, as twisted as that was.

Bucky drummed his fingers on his knee, thinking. It wouldn’t be the worst thing Bucky’d ever had to do. It wouldn’t even make the top ten, really. Bucky could probably make it quick too if Tony cooperated.

Bucky gave Tony’s sleeping figure a final look and let out a resigned sigh. It would work. Now all Bucky had to do was wait for Tony to wake up.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who forgot to update this? Whoops.

Tony slept for what was about five hours by Bucky’s internal clock. When he stirred Bucky was still holding him, hand absently rubbing his back. The guards had already done their routine check, and Bucky factored that into his mental clock as well.

“Mm, are we dead yet?” Tony mumbled, stretching a bit.

“No,” Bucky said, shifting to let Tony stretch. He kissed Tony’s forehead, only because Tony’s movements in his sleep had moved them out of the blind spot just a smidge.

Tony blinked a few times, looking around. “Well, that’s better than nothing.”

Bucky nodded. He took a deep breath.

 _I need you to trust me._  Bucky tapped on Tony’s leg.

Tony frowned.  _Why?_

 _Just trust me._  Bucky tapped, twisting Tony around in his grip. Bucky flexed his muscles. He could do this. He could do this. It wouldn’t be so bad, Tony wasn’t the worst person to do it with.

Bucky kissed Tony, gently and chaste, they way they usually did for the cameras. Tony didn’t seem to have a problem with it at first, kissing back with just enough enthusiasm for it to come across as genuine. Bucky started giving Tony deeper kisses, hands sliding under Bucky’s shirt.

“I don’t think we have to go that far, Lefty,” Tony hissed, voice thankfully too soft for the camera to pick up.

“Trust me,” Bucky murmured as he kissed Tony’s jaw. “You have to trust me.”

“Look, we all get blue balls every now and then but I really don’t think-” Tony tried to whisper but Bucky cut him off with another kiss.

“Trust. Me.” Bucky growled.

Tony stopped protesting with a confused sigh, letting Bucky’s hands wander over his body, somewhat contributing by doing the same, but his confusion lessened his enthusiasm. Bucky was just glad they weren’t really doing it for the show. At least he had a real reason this time.

Bucky kept kissing Tony, focusing on the technicalities of it, rather than the erotic nature of it. It was easier that way, he told himself.

Bucky was only somewhat surprised to find Tony already half hard when he rubbed Tony’s crotch. Well, it made things easier for him. Tony jerked and let out a startled ‘mmph’ noise when Bucky grabbed his crotch, wiggling a bit.

“Whatever this is about, it better be worth it,” Tony managed to mumble between Bucky’s kissings.

“Hush.” Bucky squeezed Tony’s crotch for emphasis, making Tony’s hips jerk.

Bucky undid the front of Tony’s pants with one hand, and the front of his own pants with the other pants. He didn’t need to go all the way for it to work. Just making them both come should do the trick. Hopefully.

Tony flinched, but he seemed to be done with fighting, he just kissed Bucky back, hands absently rubbing Bucky’s sides. Bucky grunted, manoeuvring Tony so that he was facing Bucky in his lap, legs splayed out on either side and out of the way. Tony wrapped his legs around Bucky’s waist, which might’ve been less awkward if Bucky wasn’t sitting on the floor. But it worked, so Bucky had little to complain about.

Bucky licked his flesh hand and brought it down to his cock. Neither Tony nor Bucky were particularly small, in a different situation, Bucky might’ve even admired Tony’s cock. But that was hardly the point. Bucky went back to kissing Tony, now jerking them both off with one hand, in a slow but firm grasp.

“Oh,” Tony gasped against Bucky’s mouth.

The pleasure did register in Bucky’s mind, somewhere in the back of his head he was aware of it. But it was only a sensation, one to be noted and filed away without much lingering on it. It was only a necessary step within the mission and not something to be enjoyed.

The intrusive thoughts of the Winter Soldier programming pressed against Bucky’s mental walls, but he tried to push it down. It was what it was.

“Hey,” Tony said in a soft voice. “His hand reached up and cradled Bucky’s face. “I don’t know what’s going on in your head or why the hell we’re doing this, but just… focus on me?”

Bucky managed a nod. Tony’s voice was… gentle, calming. He sped up his hand. He just needed this to be over, get the final result, and it’d all be over.

Tony was the first to come, with a hard gasp, hips bucking up into Bucky’s tight grip. After Tony, Bucky’s mind let him tumble over the edge seconds after. He didn’t make any noise, but his muscles tensed just enough for him to know he’d enjoyed the pleasure too much.

Tony pulled away, still panting and wide-eyed.  _Do I get an explanation now?_  His finger tapped against Bucky’s hip.

Bucky brought his hand to his mouth, licking it clean of come. The taste wasn’t bad as much as it was memory-inducing, but he managed to swallow it down without too much fuss.

 _It’ll make sense soon enough._  Bucky tapped back.  _Trust me._

 _You keep saying that._  Tony made a face.

Bucky shrugged, tucking himself and Tony back into their pants. He barely had enough time to do so before there were heavy footsteps coming toward the cell. Too many to just be the patrolling guards.

Tony jumped back, pulling out of Bucky’s lap to sit next to him so he could see the front of the cell as well. Bucky put an arm over Tony almost instinctively, even if he knew they were coming for him. He had to protect the person he came to save.

God, Bucky hoped this worked.

“How are the lovebirds?” An ugly voice sneered.

Oh god. Of everyone, they had to find him? Bucky was going to vomit.

Bucky stared at the feet of the HYDRA agents as if that would change their identities. Tony reached up and held Bucky’s hand, holding it between both of his, rubbing.

“Miss me, Asset?”

“Don’t call me that,” Bucky said, drawing in a rattly breath between clenched teeth. His throat was tight. Even if he had a plan, one that should work, he was still desperately afraid of what was going to happen. The static was already starting to fill his mind, and the words hadn’t even started yet. Bucky swallowed.

“You won’t care what I call you in a few minutes,” The man said, laughing to himself. As if it were funny.

“Shut up,” Tony snarled.

“You wanna try me?” He growled back.

“Don’t provoke him,” Bucky whispered to Tony. “It’s not worth it.”

There was ugly laughter again. “You’ll be dead soon anyway. We’re gonna make your boyfriend kill you. He won’t even flinch pulling the trigger.”

Bucky dragged his gaze up, looking Agent Rollins in the eye. Rollins wore a disgusting smirk, studying Bucky and Tony. Bucky glared at him, holding his chin high.

“And really? Tony Stark? I know you’re a fucking brainless weapon, but even you could do better than that,” Rollins sneered, folding his arms.

The rage that flashed through Bucky at that went deeper than just the insult towards him about being a weapon. Bucky knew what he was. But Tony deserved better than to be belittled like that. Even Bucky, who still hated Tony, knew he deserved better than that. If anything, it was Tony who could do better than Bucky.

“He’s a better person that you could ever pray to be,” Bucky snapped. As soon as Bucky said it, he knew it was true. It was obvious sure, Rollins was scum. But saying it out loud, it was almost as if a part of Bucky had to admit to himself that Tony Stark was a good person, objectively or no. Something about sat wrong with Bucky, but something else about it… Bucky didn’t know what to think about it.

Rollins’ eyes narrowed, but he held his composure. “Yeah, sure. Enough small talk.” He cleared his throat.

The first one filled Bucky’s mind with the harsh static again, this time impossible to push down. Bucky could vaguely hear Tony shouting over it, but he wasn’t loud enough to drown the torture out. It was all static.

Bucky wanted to count words, but it was hard to focus. Every single bodily sensation bled out of him. He didn’t know where he was, he couldn’t-

God. He couldn’t think.

No. No. Bucky needed, he couldn’t do this.

Wrong. No. Stop, he needed it to stop. Muscles wouldn’t work, god he just needed-

“Ready to comply.” The monotone voice spoke for Bucky in Russian, and it was the last thing he heard before slipping into his own head.


	7. Chapter 7

The Asset stood up, blinking. Situation assessment. Containment cell. Civilian in the cell. Unarmed. The Asset looked up, waiting for an order.

“Open the cell,” The handler ordered. Agents swarmed forward, unlocking the door. “Asset. Get over here.”

The Asset took long, deliberate steps until it stood before the handler.

The handler held out a gun for The Asset to take. It took the gun without hesitation.

“Shoot him.” The handler jerked his head toward the civilian still in the cell.

The Asset turned, facing the civilian. It raised the gun and-

“Cannot comply.” The Asset turned back to the handler.

The handler blinked, eyes narrowed. “What the fuck does-”

The Asset put a bullet between the handler’s eyes before he could finish. The other agents were minimally trained but armed. Their termination required more effort but was still done efficiently.

The Asset looked back the civilian. It’s handler.

“Ready to comply.”

The handler stared at it, pushing himself to his feet. “Wait, me? You’re fucking-what the hell?”

“Ready to comply,” The Asset repeated.

“Okay.” The handler nodded slowly. “Okay. I’m gonna- we’re going to get out of here you just need to… kill any guards or… agents we come across, I guess. Just… make sure I don’t die, and you don’t die.”

The Asset gave a single nod. Mission, termination of any opposing forces. Survival necessary for both Asset and handler.

The handler stumbled out of the cell. The Asset assessed him. Malnutrition, dehydration, minor injuries. Survival was likely.

“Um, this way.” The handler pointed, and the Asset followed. The Asset gave the handler a spare gun. “Oh, thanks,” The handler said, accepting it.

The handler led the Asset down long hallways, only pausing to unlock doors. Any guards they encountered were sufficiently eliminated.

“Alright, almost there, we just have to- Jesus Christ!” The handler shouted, jumping backwards. The Asset lifted its gun. “Hey no, don’t shoot! Friendlies, they’re friendlies.”

The Asset lowered its gun. The Asset vaguely recognized the man in front of the handler, the one in the Captain America suit. Failed target. It didn’t know the others behind him, but the handler seemed to.

“Fucking hell, Cap. Damned near scared the shit out of me,” The handler hissed, hand placed over his head. Erratic heart-rate, non-life threatening.

Captain America sighed. “What the hell, Tony?” He looked at the Asset. “Bucky?”

The Asset tilted his head to the side. Old memories tugged at it, but the Asset filed them away. Unnecessary for mission completion.

“He’s not all there right now,” The handler said with a hand wave. “I don’t really know, they used the codewords on him.”

“So he- he’s the Winter Soldier?” Captain America asked, tensing.

“Yeah, I guess.” The handler wiped a hand over his face. “Look, all I know is I think he thinks I’m his handler or… whatever. Can we just get out of here?”

Captain America nodded. “Natasha already knocked out the security cameras.” He looked at the Asset with pursed lips, then turned and nodded at one of his teammates, the female with red hair. “Buck, I’m really sorry about this. It’s easier this way.”

The Asset frowned, ready to say something when the woman raised her hand and shot it with something. The Asset lost consciousness.

-

When Bucky woke up he was… himself. At the very least, that was a pro.

Bucky sat up, rubbing his head. He was on a metal table, and while the initial flashes of panic at old memories of metal tables seared through him, the noise of someone clearing their throat caught his attention.

“Alright, this is an insensitive thing to ask, but who am I talking to here? Bucky or the Winter Soldier?” Tony’s voice asked.

“Me,” Bucky groaned, looking up at Tony. He glanced around, recognizing Banner’s lab.

Tony blinked. “That wasn’t the answer I was looking for, but okay.”

Bucky glowered at him.

Tony sighed. “You’ve been out for ten hours. Natasha hit you with a bit too much ‘oomf’ if you ask me.”

“You’re the one who designed who new Widow Bits.” Bucky reminded him.

“Touche.” Tony tilted his head to the side. “How you feeling?”

“My head is killing me,” Bucky said, brushing his hair out of his face. “But I’m fine.”

“Okay.” Tony hummed. “That’s… progress.”

There was a long, awkward pause.

“Okay, I hate to ask this, but… what the hell was that? All of it.” Tony cleared his throat again, folding his arms.

Bucky sighed. Right. “It’s… a long story.”

“I’ve got the time.”

“Okay.” Bucky forced himself to look at Tony’s face. He couldn’t quite manage eye contact, but he could focus on Tony’s other various features. “HYDRA used me. In… more ways than one.”

Tony made a face. “I can’t believe I of all people am saying this, but please tell me that’s not a sexual innuendo.”

“It is.” Bucky shrugged. “Anyway, most of the higher up agents, they all… used me. Got together and…”

“They gang-raped you.” Tony filled in and Bucky could see his jaw muscle twitching, face determinedly placid.

“Yeah.” Bucky closed his eyes for a moment. “Yeah. They…” Bucky couldn’t make himself say it. “Did that. And since so many of them did it, and HYDRA was meticulous with making sure I couldn’t… break out of the HYDRA programming, they put a failsafe in me.” Bucky opened his eyes, looking at the ceiling. “I can’t defy someone whom I’ve…”

“Who you fucked.” Tony finished.

Bucky’s throat went tight. “Yeah. That’s why I had to… I knew they were gonna use the codewords. And I needed… to make sure I didn’t kill you.”

Tony’s expression was still blank, but Bucky could see how hard to was trying to make it stay that way. Bucky honestly preferred it that way. He didn’t want to know what Tony was thinking. Didn’t want to see the look of disgust over how fucked up  Bucky really was.

“That’s why I couldn’t kill Steve.” Bucky kept talking, just to fill the silence. “Before, back when the HYDRA takeover happened. My programming. I didn’t really remember him as much as I remembered… having sex with him. And I couldn’t… I couldn’t carry out the hit because of that.”

“Okay.” Tony swallowed. “Okay. I would’ve preferred you’d told me that before, but… okay.”

Bucky shrugged. “Sorry.”

“Alright then.” Tony clapped his hands, rubbing them together. “That was a nice and awkward conversation, I’m sufficiently grossed and horrified. I’ll just… give you some time alone. I’ll be in the workshop if there are any other earth-shattering confessions that need to be made.”

With that, Tony almost ran out of the room. Bucky didn’t blame him, he looked pale and a bit green. Bucky watched him go, biting the inside of his cheek.

If he hadn’t been before, Tony was definitely disgusted with Bucky now. Which he should’ve been, to begin with, really. Bucky was a monster. He deserved Tony thinking of him in that way.

He just wished he knew why he cared so much what Tony thought of him.


	8. Chapter 8

Bucky was in his room, putting away his clothes when a knock came on his door. He sighed. He still wasn’t… in his right mind, and the idea of human interaction irked him.

“It’s open,” Bucky called, folding a shirt. He hated laundry, but menial tasks gave him something to do. Something to think about besides… everything else. Something… domesticated.

Steve walked in, mouth drawn in a thin line. Bucky felt his throat go tight. Whatever it was, he didn’t want to do this right now.

“Can I help you?” Bucky whispered, looking at the floor.

There was a brief pause, and Bucky almost thought Steve was just going to stand there and brood.

“You could’ve told me.”

Bucky glanced up. “What?”

“You could’ve told me,” Steve repeated, holding his belt buckle. “I wouldn’t have been mad. I would’ve respected your decision. I’d… I would’ve been happy for you, Buck.”

“What?” Bucky narrowed his eyes, throwing his shirt down. “What the hell are you talking about?”

Steve studied Bucky, eyes narrowed. The look on his face made it almost seem as if he saw Bucky as a stranger, and not his best friend. “You and Tony.”

“What about us?” Bucky snapped.

Steve shook his head. “Buck, Natasha got a hold of the footage from the base you and Tony were being held at. She… we thought it might give us some valuable information on HYDRA.” Steve swallowed, running a hand through his hair. “I didn’t expect to find a damned sex tape.”

Bucky’s gut twisted. Oh. “Steve-”

“Look,” Steve said, breathing hard. “If you and Tony are together, I don’t care. I respect your personal choices.” Steve let out a quiet, wounded sigh. “I just wish you’d told me the truth.”

Bucky wished Steve was angry. He would’ve preferred it if Steve were red-faced and screaming, eyes glowing hot with hatred. Bucky could handle people yelling at him. He could take the screaming arguments. They burned hot and hard, but they would always simmer out, eventually.

But the sad, faded look in Steve’s eye? That hurt, so much worse. The disappointment painted across Steve’s features cut into Bucky’s chest with the sharpest blade he could imagine. Knowing that Bucky had hurt Steve like that, it was worse than any bullet.

Bucky didn’t say anything. He couldn’t. There was nothing to say. Steve deserved better, deserved the truth. But the idea of making him stomach it was even worse than this. Bucky clenched his jaw.

“I just don’t get it.” Steve cleared his throat. “I don’t understand why you’d go all this way to try and hide your relationship with him. I would’ve been happy for you, Buck. For both of you.” Steve shook his head again, and Bucky could feel the anger coming. “But instead you lied to me. You made me- I thought there was still something between us. And if there isn’t that’s fine.” Steve turned and Bucky could see the tightness in his muscles. “I just wish you would’ve told me.”

Bucky watched Steve walk out, closing the door behind him. Bucky counted sixty seconds before he sat down on his bed to cry.

-

After nearly an hour of wallowing in self-pity, Bucky found himself in Tony’s workshop. The music was annoyingly loud and Tony didn’t even notice his presence, but anything was better than the deafening silence of being alone. Bucky curled up on the couch in Tony’s alcove, and just watched the other man work.

It was surprisingly nice.

Tony wasn’t nearly as hateable when he wasn’t running his mouth. Hearing the word ‘genius’ get thrown around to describe him so often almost made the word lose it’s meaning, in a sense. It didn’t feel adequate in describing the man Bucky was watching work, describing how he so easily immersed himself in the technology he built. It was… mesmerizing, almost.

Bucky didn’t realize he’d dozed off until the music stopping jerked him awake.

“And how long have you been there?” Tony asked, wiping motor oil off his hands. He didn’t look mad, or even annoyed. Only mildly curious with an amused eyebrow raised.

Bucky shrugged.

“Any reason for coming down here?” Tony’s questions were casual as if they were only suggestions that Bucky didn’t have to answer if he didn’t want to.

“Just…” Bucky shifted, pulling a blanket tighter around his shoulders that he didn’t remember putting on himself in the first place. “Needed to get away from everyone else.”

“Steve?” Tony tilted his head to the side.

“Yeah.” Bucky cleared his throat. “He… we got into an argument.”

“Uhuh.” Tony started putting tools away, but his tone was inviting for Bucky to say more.

“He saw… the footage.” Bucky fiddled with the hem of the blanket. “Of you and me. In the cell.”

Tony glanced over his shoulder, studying Bucky. “He did?”

Bucky nodded. “He thinks… you and I…”

“Oh.” Tony blinked. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” Bucky said. “I don’t- I can’t tell him the truth.”

Tony put a screwdriver down, walking over to sit next to Bucky on the couch. “And why’s that?”

Bucky shook his head, blinking back tears. “I love him. I love him so much. I can’t… he doesn’t need to know what they did to me. It already hurts him so much. I couldn’t do that to him, Tony.” Bucky tried not to think too much about when he’d started calling Tony by his first name. “He deserves better than that. Better than me.”

“Do you really think that?” Tony stared at Bucky. “I mean, I thought I was self-depreciative but damn. You really think Rogers would ever want anyone but you? You’re all he’s ever wanted. You’re enough for him.”

“I’m not worth it, though.” Bucky stared at his hands.

“Steve disagrees.” Tony shrugged. “And the funny thing about deciding what we’re worth?” Tony sighed. “Is that we’re usually the worst judge of it.”

Bucky glanced up. He studied Tony’s face, eyes narrowed. Tony gave him a faint, yet genuine smile. Bucky didn’t know what to do with that. Didn’t know how to deal with Tony being so kind to him, showing Bucky a man beneath the many layers and masks that might’ve actually been worth liking. A man who Bucky might’ve misjudged just as badly as the media did.

Bucky smiled back.


	9. Chapter 9

Bucky found himself thinking about Tony more than he’d like to admit. Even a week after they got back to the Tower and things had fallen back into the natural rhythm of life, Bucky and Tony having press conferences, Tony doing what Bucky was now willing to admit was probably too much work for Bucky’s safety, and so on.

And sure, it was logical for Bucky to think about Tony more often than not. Somehow he’d ended up being the one Bucky spent the most time with. Hell, Bucky was even in Tony’s workshop now.

Bucky went down to Tony’s workshop under the thin veil of helping Tony with sorting out legalities and other things concerning his UN case, but they both knew it was a lie. Bucky and Steve shared a room, and Bucky couldn’t stand to look at Steve for longer than five seconds without his stomach twisting into awful, painful knots.

So instead, Bucky hung out in Tony’s workshop, even when Tony wasn’t there. Which was surprisingly few and far between. Tony gave a whole new meaning to social recluse, something Bucky found himself thinking about too much as he watched the genius work. A man considered to be a suave playboy who was all smiles, spent at least five hours a day in his shop, hiding from the world. Bucky saw the look on Tony’s face when he came back from meetings, tugging off his tie and enjoying the silence of being away from people. It was something that could only be described as pure, unadulterated relief.  The look of someone who was already worn too thin by the outside world and was only hanging on by a strand. As much as Bucky related to that, he also felt guilty. Guilty for judging Tony too soon, for not realizing what that mask even Bucky believed did to the man underneath it. After wearing a mask for so long, Bucky wondered if Tony even knew who was underneath it. He wondered if Tony seemed to avoid mirrors not because he thought he was too good for them, but instead because he didn’t want to see the wounded eyes beneath the glowing smile.

Bucky found himself thinking about Tony all the time, really.

So he thought about Tony, sitting in the little alcove in Tony’s workshop, an open book on his lap long abandoned as he watched the genius work. Something about it was mesmerizing. It was almost… calming, watching Tony work like it was a second nature to him, taking apart pieces of machinery Bucky could never pray to understand.

Even Bucky was a little surprised it took him an entire week to realize he had a crush. Sitting right in Tony’s alcove, watching him take apart pieces of his own suit, it hit Bucky in the chest like a bullet.

Admittedly, it was confusing. Bucky still loved Steve, he knew he still loved Steve. But he also had to admit to himself he liked Tony. Even if it was just a small, childish crush.

Bucky liked Tony. Bucky liked Tony.

Even repeating it in his own head, watching Tony work, it felt foreign. Like Bucky was forced to look at a part of himself he couldn’t begin to understand. It was uncomfortable. Disturbing, even.

The worst part, Bucky realized, was that he knew he wasn’t good enough.

Which yes, was a cliche thing to think. But that didn’t make it untrue. Tony had put his everything on the line for Bucky, and Bucky had treated him like shit. Bucky had stared right into a mask Tony wore every day, and didn’t think once to try and look through it, no matter how transparent it was on Tony’s face. It made Bucky want to throw up. Because he was the real asshole here. He was the shallow one. He was the one who was only thinking of himself.

Bucky didn’t deserve Tony.

Bucky didn’t deserve Tony.

That stung. More than it should’ve, really. It stung knowing Bucky wasn’t good enough.

Because he wanted to be. God, Bucky wanted to be a better person. That’s what all of this was about, right? Proving he was a better person than the public thought. A better person than the Winter Soldier.

But he wasn’t. He wasn’t Sergeant James Barnes anymore, the person Tony painted him as, the person people wanted to see. Bucky didn’t know who, or even what he was. He just… was.

But he could be better. At least, he hoped he could.

Bucky knew he could try. Try to be Sergeant James Barnes, try to be the person he was. The person everyone needed him to be. He had to be that person.

And that had to start with being honest. Honest with the people he loved. No matter how badly Bucky didn’t want to. No matter how hard it was going to be.

Bucky took a deep breath, standing up. Tony glanced at him as he started walking out of the workshop, but didn’t say anything. They never really spoke. Bucky had convinced himself that was for the better days again.

Bucky’s feet seemed to lead the way through rote memory, his heart was pounding too hard for him to be actively thinking about where he was going. He was doing the right thing, and that was all that mattered.

He was doing the right thing.

Bucky finally came to a stop, right in front of his own bedroom door. A part of him wanted to knock, as laughable as that was. He’d gone so long without even being in the room that he felt the need to knock just to enter.

With a deep breath, Bucky grabbed the doorknob, taking another step forward. Steve might not even be there, why was Bucky so anxious?

Bucky opened the door slowly, not wanting to startle Steve if he was in the room. He peaked in and- oh.

Oh.

Oh no.

Steve was… well, he was there.

With Sam.

On the bed.

Naked.

Having sex.

Oh god.

It looked so… sweet. Slow and gentle, just the way Bucky and Steve fucked during the war.

Oh.

Bucky shut the door before he even knew what he was doing. But it was too late, wasn’t it? He’d already seen everything. Seen Sam’s legs locked around Steve’s hips. Seen Steve kissing Sam’s neck. Seen the languid motion of them fucking. Heard the soft, sweet moans from both of them.

Oh.

Bucky was back in Tony’s workshop in record time. He didn’t bother looking at Tony. He didn’t want to see the confused look of concern.

Bucky loved Steve.

But Steve had moved on, apparently. Clearly. Moved on before Bucky even had the chance to fix his own mess.

Bucky curled up on Tony’s couch, head tucked into his knees.

Even Steve didn’t care about him anymore.

Bucky was alone.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for suicidal thoughts.

Bucky wasn’t really sure why he was even surprised about Steve and Sam. Sam had filled a lot of the roles that had once been for Bucky. It wasn’t that Bucky was bitter towards Steve for it, necessarily. If Sam and Steve were happy together, so be it.

If Sam was everything Bucky couldn’t be, then so be it.

That’s what Steve deserved, wasn’t it? He deserved the best.

Everything Bucky couldn’t be.

Sitting in Tony’s workshop lights off in the middle of the damned night, Bucky stared at the gun in his hand. It felt heavy, so heavy Bucky could hardly lift it. Its weight was all in Bucky’s head, sure he knew that. It was all in his head, messing with him. Taunting him. The bullet almost seemed to know that Bucky wanted it there, buried in his skull and had already begun burrowing its way -even if figuratively- into his brain.

Too bad Bucky was too coward to pull the trigger.

Even with the image of Steve and Sam together seared into his mind, even with the awful pain of knowing how awful he’d been to Tony, Bucky couldn’t do it. Even sitting alone in Tony’s workshop while the genius slept because Bucky couldn’t even go to his own room, he couldn’t do it.

He wanted to. God, he wanted to. Wanted to be able to pull the trigger, shoot himself in the head. It’d be easier for everyone, wouldn’t it? Steve was happy without him. All Bucky had done was cause a mess for Tony. The UN wouldn’t even have to worry about him anymore.

It’d be easier for everyone. Easy. As easy as just pulling a trigger.

Bucky couldn’t even bring himself to point the damned gun at his head.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Tony’s rough voice filled the room and a light flicked on. “FRIDAY said you were down here hanging out.”

Bucky looked up like a deer caught in the headlights. “Nothing. Just thinking.”

Tony walked over in nothing but a tank top and briefs, sitting down next to Bucky. “In my personal experience, ‘just thinking’ with a gun in your hand is a lot more than thinking.”

Bucky looked down at the gun, and up at Tony. He didn’t know what to say. He never did, anymore.

“Right.” Tony cleared his throat. “Look, whatever you’re thinking about… don’t. Okay? Don’t do it. It’s not worth it. It’s never worth it.”

“How can you say that?” Bucky whispered. “How can you know that? I’ve caused you nothing but trouble. I’m not worth this, Tony.”

“Is anyone worth the trouble?” Tony shrugged. “Maybe. Maybe not. I don’t really think that matters. Look, I can’t stop you from pulling the trigger. No one can, if that’s what you’re determined to do. But I can tell you that you shouldn’t. That people would miss you.” He paused, head tilting to the side. “That I’d miss you.”

Bucky’s heart twisted into awful knots. “Why-you?”

“Why not?” Tony fidgeted a bit. “Who else would hang out down here and keep me company? Dum-E and U get annoying after awhile, you know.” He forced a smile and shaky laugh. Bucky managed a faint smile too.

“I want to,” Bucky said, quietly.

Tony nodded. “I know-”

“No, lemme finish.” Bucky shook his head. “I want to,” Bucky forced the words out and they were barely a hoarse whisper. “I want to deserve it. I want to deserve having someone like you kiss me. Kiss me not for the cameras or the press, but… kiss me because you want to. Because you like it. I want it, but even more, I want to deserve it.” Bucky drew in a shuddering breath.

“Oh.” Tony sounded… startled, really. Bucky didn’t blame him. It came out of nowhere, and startled him, even. But it was something he needed to say. “Well. For the record, I think you deserve it. I don’t know about me, though. But you do.”  

“Why wouldn’t you?” Bucky stared at him.

Tony laughed, almost hysterically. “I kissed you on national television and didn’t even give you so much as a warning, let alone ask for consent. It’s a dick move.”

“It was necessary,” Bucky admitted. Not only to Tony but also to himself. “It made me angry, sure. And I had reason to be. But you did what you had to. I could be in an underground prison being tortured right now if it weren’t for you.”

“Still got a long ways to go.” Tony countered. “This fight is far from over, Bucky.”

“I know.” Bucky sighed. “But thanks to you, there’s a fight, to begin with.”

Tony’s smile was more genuine this time. “And for what it’s worth? I want to kiss you too.”

Bucky blinked. “Really?”

“Yeah.”

“You can. If you want.” Bucky set the gun down.

Tony studied Bucky’s face for a painfully long moment. “Well then, I better do it right this time.” He cleared his throat, leaning closer to Bucky. “James Buchanan Barnes, may I kiss you?”

Bucky felt tears welling up, but it wasn’t painful. It was beautiful. “Yes, please.” He nodded.

Tony smiled and closed the gap, going slow enough for Bucky to be able to pull back if he wanted to. Tony’s hand came up to cradle the side of Bucky’s face, his calloused hand feeling like a perfect heaven against Bucky’s skin. The kiss was even better.

Tony’s lips were a bit chapped and tasted like alcohol, but they were still warm and comforting. Nothing was forced, and it wasn’t even a long kiss. Just a gentle press of lips before they broke apart again. Tony stared at Bucky, waiting for his reaction. He looked… nervous, almost.

It was cute.

“That was perfect,” Bucky murmured. He smiled a bit. “May I have another?”

Tony laughed so hard his forehead bumped with Bucky’s. “That was so fucking corny, Barnes. Really?”

“Really.” Bucky brushed a hand through Tony’s hair. “I want to kiss you every day.”

Tony licked his lips. “We’ll see about that.” He kissed Bucky again.

It was perfect.


	11. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be three bonus chapters after this which will be some of the same scenes from this fic, just from Tony's perspective instead. This is the short epilogue.

Bucky rubbed Tony’s shoulder absently, watching him work on his tablet. They were curled up in bed, naked. Enjoying the afterglow of sex. It was nice.

Tony glanced up at Bucky and frowned. “Hey, what’s going on up there?” Tony ran a hand over Bucky’s face, tucking stray hair away. “You’ve got your ‘I’m overthinking things’ face on again. I’m the genius, here. I’m the only one allowed to overthink.”

Bucky smiled, kissing Tony’s forehead. “Just thinking, doll. Thinking about how you and I got together. Thinking about the first time you kissed me.”

“I’m still sorry about that.” Tony sighed, resting his head against Bucky’s chest. “I know it was crossing a line and I shouldn’t have-”

“Hey.” Bucky kissed Tony’s forehead again. “We’re past that, okay? I’m not gonna lie, I was mad at you then. But I was also an asshole who wouldn’t see it from your side. You have nothing to apologize for anymore.”

“I know,” Tony said. “But still.”

Bucky shook his head. “Anyways, I was just thinking about how grateful I am that you kissed me that day. Even if I had my head up my ass and hated you for it at first. Even if it wasn’t the best way to do it. In hindsight, it’s all I ever wanted.”

Tony blinked. “You didn’t want me to kiss you though.”

“Maybe not then.” Bucky shrugged. “But I want you to kiss me now. And that’s all that matters, right?”

Tony smiled and leaned forward to give Bucky a soft, sweet kiss. “Like that?”

“Exactly like that, doll.” Bucky kissed him again. “That’s all I want.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come annoy me on Tumblr, I'm @WinterIron-Trash.


End file.
